RELEASE THE BIRDS. The Tweet game has never been so fierce. I bet you didn’t know you wanted birds with arms so bad until right now; perfect on everything from tapestries to phone cases to tees that are beautifully absurd.

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An Excerpt of General Catton’s Famous Address to the Third Army
Men, all this stuff you hear about felines not wanting to fight. It’s a lot of [expletive deleted]. Cats love to fight. Whether it’s tussling with the schnauzer next door or taking a good chunk out of our owner’s shin as they step out of bed, all cats love the sting and clash battle.
We’re not just going to scratch the bastards. We’re going to [very long string of expletives deleted] and use their guts to grease the treads of our claws.
Sure, we all want to go home. We want to get this war over with. But you can’t win a war lying down. The quickest way to get it over with is to get the bastards who started it. Namely, Gulliver, the McRosen’s puggle who ate that squeaky mouse I loved so much. All right, you sons of bitches. You know how I feel. I’ll be proud to lead you wonderful pussies in battle any time, anywhere.

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